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Sometimes it's just great to wonder about your existence. To just forget everyone and all those things that have been worrying you. But I felt the opposite at my sojourn to a beach in the southernmost tip of India. I thought I would find solace, relief and a sense of just being away from everything for a while.
My experiment at staying alone/detached for 3 days turned out to be not quite what i had expected. I did live like a king, I wouldn't deny that. Staying at a place right at the beach, getting up at 11, bathing at the beach, sitting at shacks for hours having fish and just wondering who made the sea so beautiful, walking in the sand and looking back to see your footprints being owned by the sea, reading and wondering about the characters in that book like they were alive at that very moment and watching the day go by from that lighthouse that overlooks the ocean and the wilderness.
But there was something that always remained the same, the ME inside of me. I always told myself "hey, this is supposed to be a vacation so stop thinking" but no ! I thought even more, at times i equated my life with the book i was reading. All the emotions that I had felt at some or the other time of the year just came back to me with a greater intensity. I thought more about the people in my life, about priorities, about what an asshole I can be and how I should continue to be one. WHY life has been what it has been so far and how NOTHING is going to change very soon.I thought of my self as an animal, as a glutton whose only motive in life was to live better and felt that being at this place is gonna change nothing. I will just be the same when I go back to the "real" world. But then there was this one thought that turned around everything. " Atleast I was thinking!!!"
We just walk through our everyday lives without smelling the roses but more than that I think its more important to feel the thorns once in a while ! Think about what you did to someone, about why you are such a terrible person, about that loser that stays inside you and comes out when you least expect him to, about that person who bullied you when you were a kid.Sometimes just sometimes its good to sit back with some beer and think about all those bad memories, stuff you are not really proud of. It's only then that you will accept completely what you really are and that acceptability and not the being itself shapes what you truly can be.
